Chapter 22 - Part B

They say that time flies, but as Payal looked up once again at the wall clock hanging on the opposite wall she concluded that all those people had no idea what they were talking about because time crawled - at the slowest - most excruciating pace when you really paid attention.

Five hours - it had almost been five hours since they took Arnav away into surgery. Five hours since none of them had taken a full breath. Anjali was still on IV - the fluids although keeping her conscious and healthy - her heart was breaking with every passing minute of the damn time. She broke into soft cries every now and then. Almost as if her imagination swayed to darker zones without her permission. The private room they had booked for Anjali served as the cocoon they all needed to pace, curse and shatter - but as every minute passed, the fear of loosing Arnav had made them all go dead silent. Like no words was enough any more.

The minute hand of the wall clock moved once again and Payal realised that she had to move if she needed to keep her rapidly disappearing sanity. She pulled herself up and frowned. Khushi was supposed to be back in their room by now. She had messaged her earlier - letting her know about the floor and the room they were in. She hoped that whenever Khushi managed to get to her phone, she would want to be around them too.

Frown still intact, Payal dialled her number only to hear the switched off message sail through.

"You ok?"

She looked up at Akaash who was staring at her with worry etched across every single lines of his face. Her heart broke even more. She knew how much he was trying to appear strong for the elders sitting in the corner of the room. For Anjali who looked so lost and worn out.

She tried to summon a reassuring smile - hoping that he understood that he wasn't alone in his struggle. "Yea. I just... I was trying Ku's number but it is switched off. I think I will go for a walk. See if I can find her"

He nodded his head, dropping a quick kiss on top of her head.

"You want to come too? Stretch your legs a little?"

"I would love too but I think you need to talk to her alone. I don't know what's going on but the Khushi who walked into Dr Mayank's room earlier was not the women I have come to know in all these months. Something happened - isn't it?"

She inhaled sharply. Her eyes worriedly snapping at the direction of their other family members.

"Hey", Akaash whispered, tucking the loose hair tendrils behind her ear, drawing her focus back to him. "You don't have to tell me anything. You can if you want to - but most important thing is that if....", he let go of a painful breath and shook his head, "I mean, when Bhai wakes up, I know he would need her there"

She blinked back another bout of tears pricking her eyes and nodded. "I will be back"

"Take your time"

Giving another shaky smile, she then gave a quick nod to others in the room, and walked out. Still unsure of where to start her search for Khushi in that huge hospital.

---

She felt another zipping tremor in her bandaged arm, her eye falling shut in pain. She should be on bed. She knew that. But in that moment she couldn't bring herself to lie down and mistakenly falling asleep. The thought of waking up to a world which no longer comprised of that one person who held her entire heart and soul in the palm of his hands was enough to fight the compelling dizziness that hovered behind her eyelids.

She pushed her head back. The tears in her eyes dry now. But the actual physical ache in her heart stronger than ever. She had made several mistakes in her life. But this was the worst yet. The fear of abandonment that always sat centre stage in her mind had pushed her to break his heart. She was so sure that if she managed to leave before he did, she would be ok.

Broken laugh left her lips. What the hell what she thinking? How did she not realise how deep inside her skin he resided now. How did she not realise that somehow he had become the calm within her stormy life.

She didn't believe in god. But for the umpteenth time that night, she sent a desperate prayer to whoever existed up there. He had to be ok. She would leave him forever. She would get out of his life. She would make sure that he never ever felt the hurt she was so hellbent on making him feel. She would do anything to make sure he was happy. He just had to be ok though. He just had to open his eyes again.

Wetness greeted her cheeks again. And too tired to move, she let the droplets slowly easing on to her chin to just be.

She had no idea for how many minutes, or was it hours she sat there on the cold floor when familiar voice cut through the deafening silence around her.

"Ku?"

Her eyes opened with a startle. Another miscalculation on her part that night. How did she think her sister, who was the other person that night she had hurt so badly, would not come looking for her.

"Jiji, how?"

"Took me almost half hour. I should have come here first. How are they letting you sit here? No one is allowed on surgical floors". She smiled warmly, dropping down on the floor next to her sister.

She then nodded her head toward her bandaged arm, "You are suppose to be on bed Ku. How are you feeling?"

Khushi shrugged. And Payal sighed.

"How...how did you know Ku?"

She closed her eyes and exhaled loudly. Her head pushed back and resting against the tiled wall behind her. "I resigned from AR today"

"What!!"

Khushi nodded her head. "I called Shayam to talk about my contract. The non-compete that I signed. I knew tomorrow would have been a legal shitstorm and so I wanted to assure Shayam that I had no intention of fighting. I was ready to give up whatever AR needed me to so I could leave. But before I could even utter the word AR, Shayam told me what had happened. Where you all were. That Arnav...". With a gasp she stopped. Her eyes wide open now and she turned her head toward Payal. And the floodgates broke open. With a painful wail, her good arm went around Payal - her loud cry muffling against Payal's shoulder. Her entire body shaking.

"Shh, its ok Ku". Payal felt her own tears breaking out without permission, but in that moment the only thing that mattered was to get Khushi's breath under control. Because Payal knew that Khushi was minutes away from a panic attack and she just couldn't bear the thought of another member of her family get admitted to this hospital today.

"Enough Ku, please... Calm down"

"This is all my fault Jiji. He is here because of me. Because of me he is going through this. I am so so sorry Jiji. I crossed a line today"

"You need to stop Ku. This wasn't your fault"

She withdrew then. Her eyes bloodshot, her face pale like a ghost.

"How can you say that. I hurt him. I hurt him so he couldn't hurt me. I hurt you too. I was being selfish. I was...Oh my god, what have I done Jiji"

"No Ku, you were..."

Her plea fell on deaf ear, as Khushi drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. Payal followed her movement - her tears intensifying with Khushi's action. Her classic move when she distanced herself from everyone. When she felt so lonely that she only relied on her own arms to comfort her.

"Ku"

She shook her head, and as if she didn't hear Payal at all, continued. "Every time Jiji, every single time he showed me his care, every time he made me feel loved - I felt scared to death. My own family didn't stay. I wasn't good enough for people who gave me birth. How was I suppose to believe that he will stay. That I was enough"

"Oh Ku..."

Payal's gasp rang across the empty hall. Unable to take the pain radiating off of Khushi. But once again, as if in trance, Khushi continued.

"He is so amazing. He is smart, humble, so brilliant - I... Jiji, I am not placing him on any pedestal, but he is perfect. Not in a perfect way but just the way he is. And when someone like him claimed that he cares for me, loves me - that bone crunching, blood curdling fear intensified to a level I never knew existed. The thought that I will be found. That he will find out who I really am"

"What you really are Ku is someone intelligent, caring, beautiful. Someone who.."

"No Jiji. I am not. I am a fraud"

Payal flinched. The conviction with which Khushi said those words was enough for her to know that she meant it.

"Ku.."

And she continued yet again.

"I couldn't even be enough for my mother to stay and my father to want to live. I was a thorn that destroyed your family too. I have been waiting for that another shoe to drop you know. For the day when just like every other person in my life Arnav too would have left. When he realised that I was in fact never enough. And Jiji, until that day I wanted... I just wanted him to stay as far away as possible from my truth, from my existence. My roots that I am so ashamed of. And when I realised that he had known that truth all along, something broke and splintered inside me. The need to leave, before he left, before he hurt me - I ended up hurting him. I couldn't bear the thought of pity in his eyes for me. Couldn't bear that all I was to him was this charity case. So many of them have left, and I have survived. I don’t think I could survive him leaving"

Her sobs now turned to hiccups. Her body once again shaking. But as Payal moved toward her to hug her, comfort her, she shook her head.

"I hurt him. So badly. I made sure that he hated me instead of pitying me. But Jiji now he is in there. Fighting for his life. What if he doesn't make it? What if he...". Her long exhale stretched across the silence of the halls, only to be disturbed by another teary hiccup escaping her lips.

"He doesn't have to even look at me again Jiji, as long as he is ok. As long as he lives"

Payal closed her eyes. Her own tears swimming past her cheeks and soaking her T-shirt. And finally, deciding to no longer respect the distance that Khushi obviously wanted, Payal erased the space between them and engulfed Khushi into her arms, tight.

"I have lived though abandonment, death, attempted rape and trafficking, but I don't know if I will be able to live in a world without him"

"Shhh..."

Payal moved her fingers through her hair. Trying her best to calm her. Her shaking body. Almost telling her that everything she thought about herself was so wrong. That she was so strong to come out the other side of everything she had gone through. That Arnav was not pitying her, but simply loving for her. But she also knew in that moment, Khushi was not in the state of mind to hear or understand those words. There was only one person who was capable enough to get through to her. And in that moment he was, as Khushi said, fighting for his life.

---

"Doctor! How is he? How is Arnav doing?"

Shayam's voice shook as he saw very tired looking Mayank entering Anjali's room.

Dr Mayank opened his mouth, his eyes scanning every single faces around him. Every one now standing. Anjali too sitting upright. Her eyes almost begging him to tell something positive. He sighed.

"We managed to stop his internal bleeding and have repaired his heart and lung. Next forty eight hours are critical though. We will closely monitor him, but he is stable for now. We are moving him into ICU as we speak"

Relief that swept though the room was so palpable that Mayank felt his skin prickle.

"Can we see him?". Anjali asked in between her tears.

"Yes of course. One at a time though - and I will ask you to limit to one to two people entering his room tonight. You should be able to see him from the glass opening on his door though"

Payal walked toward her colleague. Her eyes shining with tears. "Thank you so much Mayank. And I am so sorry. I was rude and disrespectful"

"You were"

She closed her eyes in regret. Akaash now coming behind her, drawing her close to him.

"But...". She opened her eyes in surprise. Akaash was now in the middle of shaking Mayank's hands as Mayank carried on, "You were allowed to. He is your family. And I am sure I would have done the same thing if it was me in your place"

"Thank you". Payal whispered once more, voice thick with gratitude as Mayank walked out the room with final nod to everyone.

As they all made their way towards the ICU to at least see Arnav if not get close to him - Payal looked at Khushi who stood frozen in one of the corner. After lot of begging and cajoling, Payal had managed to get Khushi to sit with them all. But, not once in last few minutes since she entered the room Khushi spoke.

She stood still now too. Almost as if scared to believe what Mayank just told them.

"Khushi, you coming?". Anjali asked softly.

"Umm, I am not sure"

Nani who was quite until then, walked towards Khushi tiredly and clasping both her palms in her fragile ones spoke. "He is ok because of you Khushi. You do understand that right? If you haven't given him blood when he needed...."

Khushi shook her head - physically rejecting any comforting words. "I didn't do anything. I.. You all should go. He needs to feel you all near him. He needs to feel his family near him"

NK walked up to her then and nodded at Nani. She gave an acknowledging smile and another squeeze to Khushi's hands and walked away.

He put his arms around Khushi's stiff shoulders and then spoke softly so only she could hear him. "You know as well I do Khushi that he needs to feel you near him more. We are his family yes but you Khushi, you are quickly becoming his life"

---

Tentatively, Khushi pushed open the glass door. Her eyes downcast, too afraid to look at the bed in the middle of the private ICU. The low beeping sound from the monitors filling every corner around her.

She summoned every single fibre of her body to move. To take one step after the other. Her small steps coming to an end as she finally stood at the foot of the huge metal bed. Unable to avoid the inevitable any longer, she took a long deep breath and looked up and immediately swallowed a huge sob that threatened to escape her body.

Arnav, the strongest person she ever had the honour of knowing was perched at forty five degree angle on bed. Half his body covered with a pristine white sheet and the remaining half with bandages. Wires leading up to the monitors hooked on to him. His mouth covered with a mask as the falling and rising of another machine nearby made it clear how weak he was to breath on his own.

She blinked rapidly. Scared to let her eyes fall shut for a millisecond too long. Scared that the bruised and battered body in front might disappear.

She looked toward the door that had swung shut behind her. The small glass-cased opening on it empty. She couldn't believe everyone had just left to give her this privacy. Something she did not deserve.

Turning back she inched toward Arnav's upper part of the body. Gently, making sure to not disturb his IV wires, she took hold of his palm in hers and shakily whispered. "I am so sorry Arnav. I don't think saying it million times over would be enough. I hurt you so much. I said things that I shouldn't have. That...". She gave out a soft self-mocking laugh. "That I didn't even mean. I was trying so hard to protect my heart that I lashed out on you"

She looked up then. Her fingers gingerly brushing away some of the back locks fallen carelessly on his forehead. Her fingers stayed on his cheek and she continued. "I shouldn't be here. I know that. I don't deserve to be anywhere near you. Punish me as you see fit. But please Arnav don't punish your family. They need you. I don't think any of them can go on without you. So please Arnav, fight. Come back. Please come back to them. You don't ever have to listen to a word I say, but listen to me this one last time - come back and I promise I will never ever bother you again. I...". She swallowed thickly. Few drops of tears escaping her eyes and landing on his shoulder.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she bent down, and placed a softest kiss on his temple. Her lips hovered near his ear as she finally set free her deepest secret. Some thing she knew she didn't have the courage to say when he was awake. "I love you so much Arnav. I am sorry it took me so long to realise it."

---

Author's note:

Hola my dearest readers!

Thank you all for reading this story❤️

I know my updates from last few times have become late. I will continue to try my best to update sooner next time.

Until then, stay safe!

Love,

HW