Was it possible for someone to momentarily loose their sense of gravity? Was it possible for human body to defy the logics of physics?
Khushi almost chuckled at the direction of her thoughts as her body treaded through dominoes of reactions.
The instant his arms went around her, she stiffened. Her eyes went wide and her breath rose up by several notches. She curled her fingers into a fist, body ready to repel itself out of the foreign hold. But then the second domino fell as his right hand snaked around her waist, and the left tip-toed up her back to interlace her hair in between those long fingers. And, that was it. Her mind shut down.
She found herself into a free fall. That out of body experience that people talked about. And then, although it didn't seem possible a second ago, he brought her even more close to himself, every single inch of his body touching hers, his warm breath fanning the side of her neck, his lips resting on her shoulder.
She shivered as every single fibre of her body awoke for the first time in her life. She took a deep shaky breath and finally, with mind of their own, her fingers uncurled themselves. One of them swept their way into his hair, and the other moved to clutch his shirt tightly. Almost as if her body was scared to let him go. Almost as if that closeness was her only anchor.
She exhaled loudly, and moved her head to bury itself into his chest. Allowing herself, for the first time in her life to feel, to get sucked into his aura.
He knew he made a huge mistake the moment he pulled her into his arms. This is not what he planned at all. He wanted, no needed her to trust him. He hoped for her to open up to him. But letting his instincts run amok was no where in the vicinity of what he wanted.
His brain went into overdrive, thinking of all possible reasons he would give to her as he inhaled deeply to part himself from her. And that is when he made the second mistake. Floral Bouquet of rose, jasmine, vanilla and undertones of something that was pure Khushi, assaulted his senses. His arms dove even deeper in her soft tresses, as he unconsciously placed his lips on her shaking shoulder.
He took another deep breath then, getting ready to let go of her and start the process of grovelling he knew was in his near future, but then he felt her quivering hands sweep up his body, into his hair and finally take hold of his shirt into a tight fist to hug him back. And all the inner debate within him ceased.
They didn't know for how long they stood like that - lost in each others warmth, oblivious to the world around them - when a loud sound in the background reached their ears.
Eyes still closed, they both frowned and moved even deeper into each other's embrace.
But the sound from one of the phone in Arnav's office blared across the room again and finally, their eyes jolted open and as if burned, they jumped apart.
She kept her shaky hands on her heart, as she looked up at him - eyes wide with shock of what just happened, hoping to slow down the organ trying to beat out of her chest.
Arnav swallowed visibly, unable to look away from the intensity in her eyes and questions that burned into them.
What was that?
We hugged.
That was not a hug.
He opened his mouth to say something, anything to cut through the deafening silence that stretched between them. But, his brain was still in the process of catching up to everything that he was feeling.
"Khushi" came a softest whisper
She gave out a loud gasp, almost as if her name, uttered in that deep baritone of his snapped the tether between them. And then without thinking, without bothering to look for her things she brought with her when she came in his office, she turned around and ran out the room - hoping to get as far away as possible from the one man who could make her forget everything, even herself.
"Are you going in reverse direction with your maturity?"
"Oh, you would know won't you - seems like you surely have an experience in that"
"Hilarious! Remind me to laugh someday when I am over the fact of what an insensitive jerk you have become"
"Right! And you have what, sensitivity running through you veins?"
"Just shut up!!"
"How about for once you shut up, Akaash Bhai!"
Arnav had his head in his hands, because from last twenty minutes his two otherwise intelligent brothers, were fighting like dim wits. All he had to do to make them both shut up, was to get his head out his hand and proverbial ass and walk up to them, and pull them apart. But his mind was not in the mood of complying.
Even now, after four damn days, all he could think of was Khushi and different possible ways he wanted to kick himself for letting his emotions get better of him. All he could still feel was her aroma around him. How soft she was in his arms, how she moved with his every breath, how her fingers felt on his back.
"You always had problems with giving respect to elders. Looks like you have majored in it, just like you did with cocaine and heroine. Or is it some other high end product you prefer now?"
"I travelled thousands of miles - and for what - for this? For your ever increasing insults?"
"Oh Boo-freaking-hoo"
And that snapped Arnav out of his own bubble. He finally looked up and with a sigh decided that this was going back to square one. His own stupidities had to wait, for now he had to intervene before his brothers started another round of drama.
"Ok, that's it! Enough both of you! Akaash, go and sit down and do not talk for five mins"
"But Bhai"
"Go Akaash!!"
"Thanks Arnav Bhai. I must say I was getting sick and tired of his voice"
"Shut up NK!! Not another word from you too"
"But Bhai...listen to me..."
"No you listen to me NK. Is this the reason you agreed to come? To make this whole thing more complicated than it already is? Here I was thinking that you are really excited to be back, May be you too have been looking for a way to reconcile. But apparently I was wrong. You landed here hardly half a day back, and the first thing you do is pick a silly fight with Akash"
NK opened his mouth, but Arnav's raised palm effectively made him close it again.
"Before you say anything, I know he was wrong to goad you too. But NK, don't you get it - everyone is hurt. They have been since last year. A member of the family, the youngest son of the family hasn't been home from more than a year. Cut them some slack for god’s sake"
NK cringed as the last statement boomed out of Arnav. He knew whatever Arnav just said was true. He was in fact behaving like a brat.
NK took a deep breath, "I am sorry Bhai...I...", another deep inhale, "I know what happened that day was wrong. I should have handled it differently. I screwed up, and I accept that. But, that is expected isn't it. I am not like you all. I am not perfect"
"What the fuck did you just say?", Akaash growled in irritation. But earning a long stare from Arnav, he groaned and sat back in the couch again.
"What is this NK? What are you trying to say? No one expects perfection. It was just one incident and although tiring amount of time has gone by for something that could have been solved by a simple apology and a conversation, no one is expecting you to never make a mistake. Just own it when you do", Arnav sighed
"No, that's not it. It is not just one incident. I am talking about how things have always been. I mean, you, and you Akaash Bhai, Di - I mean you all are the good ones. The gold standards"
He then scoffed sarcastically and got up to move toward the expansive floor-to-ceiling window that adorned one of the wall of Arnav's penthouse, located on the Thirty fourth floor of AR building, and continued.
"Hell! even your partners, even they come with their own list of perfections attached to them. And then there is me. I am sorry Bhai, but I am not sure how to compete with all that. How to compete with you all. Sometimes I feel suffocated. The burden to prove myself, to make sure I don't blemish the shining Raizada name. And funny thing is when I fail, which I often do, I am not compared to one, I am compared to three", He then turned toward Arnav and Akaash again and exhaled loudly, "I don't do drugs. That night my friends surprised me and for the first time I decided not to be the perfection I am expected to be, and I just went with the flow. I know I should have called immediately and explained myself. But, I knew I would end up disappointing everyone again. So, I just, I don't know, decided to wait"
Arnav was looking at NK, his eyes wide, shocked by what they just heard. He then looked over at Akaash, who was shaking his head, almost as if saying wordlessly that he too was as shocked by NK's confession as him.
Clearing his throat, Arnav then got up to walk over to NK.
"When has that happened NK? Tell me one time when you have been compared to, umm, what was it, ah yes, we three?"
"Well, not explicitly, but I can see it in everyone's eye. Even when I chose to study journalism, I could see disapproval in Dad's eyes"
"That is because he was concerned about your safety, you dumb ass. He knew, as we all did, that you are best at whatever you choose to do, and investigative journalism would endanger your life from time to time", Akaash shouted with barely contained anger, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
"And he told you this? Come on!", NK sniggered sarcastically. And before Akaash could scream back an answer, Arnav intervened, this time roaring with irritation
"Yes NK, he told all of us. Not just him, but every single person who lives under that roof said the same thing. We all discussed this issue for hours. Trying to explain ourselves that you would be ok. You want to know why we thought that? Because we knew you are methodical, resourceful and smart, and you would be able to handle any situation that would come your way"
He then moved his fingers through his hair, trying to calm himself, and continued, "Now tell me, does that answer your doubts? Fuck! You have been running around in circles based on these baseless insecurities? You couldn't come to us to clarify this before? Ok, I get why you couldn't take this to Mama or Mami, but Akaash, me or Di? You couldn't even come to us? I mean here I thought I was asking one of the very best journalist to help me get rid of a possible mess that AR might be getting into, but guess I was wrong. All I see in front of me is a child who is crying for attention, which ironically, he already has it from each and everyone in the family"
With a thud NK collapsed against the wall behind him, ashamed and unsure on how to react. Eyes still on ground he then spoke softly, "As I said on our call, I need time. I am not sure how to come back home and apologise to everyone. Not yet anyways. I... I will stay here in this penthouse for a while if its ok with you Bhai?"
"Take as much time as you need. I will see you in office tomorrow", Arnav sighed and hugged him tight and motioning Akaash he walked out leaving NK alone with him.
NK looked at Akaash warily expecting him to start shouting at him again, but to his surprise, Akaash too enveloped him into a hug, and patting his back, spoke, "Welcome back NK. I am really happy you are here"
With that they were gone, and for the first time since landing in India, NK gave out a loud, joyous laugh, letting the feel of being home again seeping in.
Khushi stood below the shower, eyes closed, and hot water beating down her tired body. It had been a long day. In fact it was turning out to be long week. Memory of that evening came rushing in again, as she picked up her loofah to scrub her body. It was so strange how even after all these days, she still felt his touch. It wasn't the first time he hugged her that day. So, she failed to understand why that hug had affected her so much that even now she could feel her skin tingle with his memory.
With an irritated groan she plopped the loofah back, knowing no amount of scrubbing will let the unwanted feeling leave her body.
Drying herself, she dressed up in her night wear, and with the hopes to distract herself, she opened her laptop to do some work. But, just like it happened all the previous nights since that evening, the words on her screen blurred and got replaced by his face, those eyes that burned her with their intensity. Giving out another tired groan, she placed her laptop aside, and walked up to her favourite place in the house - her balcony.
It was almost midnight. She shivered as the cold January air hit her body carelessly. The entire lane was silent, the only sound was of the wind around her that picked its pace, almost as if sensing her inner turmoil. She then looked up at the sky which was devoid any clouds after many days of winter rain, light from moon falling around her, and setting things aglow. Another gust of wind waved past her, and she finally let go, a small smile taking hold of her face.
Contrary to most people she knew, she loved winters. The coolness of the winter air always managed to relax her somehow.
Melancholy followed almost immediately as she realised how much she missed snow. How much she missed her old life. She had been here for not even a month, and already her life in New York felt like a long lost memory. She didn't have much life there, but it was at least her own. A simple life where the only thing she worried about was changing weather and projects at work.
She inhaled, the cold air burning its way into her lungs. This is not what she expected when she came here. She did not expect him. In last 4 days, since that hug, which somehow felt like so much more, she had tried her best to keep away from him. She made sure they didn't end up in same meetings. But, she knew, in no time they will be thrown together again. There was no logical situation where a CEO and his C-level execs didn't spend time together. She knew she was just bidding her time. But that hug had rocked her to her core, and she still wasn't able to decipher the reason behind it.
One thing, the only thing she was sure of was how scared she felt. This is how it always began. New people made their way into her life, they made her feel cared for, and then the moment she dropped her guard, they ripped her heart out. That, however painful, was at least familiar to her.
The problem she was unable to solve was why Arnav felt different. He seemed so genuine. Someone who could never deceive anyone. And that is what scared her the most. Why was she ready to trust him was beyond her. And, then her own reaction to him was all the proof she needed to know that she had to get away from him.
It had been an uphill battle for her to acquire the level of control that she had on all aspects of her life, and no way she was ready to give that up. She needed to find ways to keep herself away from him. For her own sanity she had to make sure her walls remained strong. She took another deep breath and realised with a shudder how weak she sounded, even to herself.
Note for Readers:
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